An Apple a Day Keeps Meredith Vieira Away

If you haven’t been living in a cardboard box, you probably know that the iPhone is finally being released today. In fact, tough luck if you need to talk to somebody at the Apple Store between 2 and 6 today, as the store will be closed and employees prepping for the big roll-out. This little gadget has features that can briefly be described as everything but the kitchen sink. Some people are calling it the Jesus Phone, and others point out that there is a whole lot of hype, and really low chances of really being that good. Some commentators make this point more formally than others.

But before you get ready to camp outside the Apple Store, before you think about hiring some troll to do it for you, do yourself a favor and spend a few minutes watching the trouble Meredith Vieira has using it as, you know, a phone. I apologize in advance for the fact that you will need to watch a 30 second commercial first. Notice that this happened despite the fact that Apple sent a couple technicians along to make sure everything went right (and maintain physical security of the devices). If you have time, stick around to watch Stephen Levy demonstrate the cool features — and accidentally demonstrate that this phone will not do for many handicapped people. Sorry, “just move your hand like this” is a stretch for some people, no pun intended.

Before any of you Apple Cultists start on about how clearly I am not the target audience, I own a smartphone. Apple has claimed this device competes with smartphones. I have every important phone number I could need in my phone, including the Chinese restaurant that used to be on the way home. I have calendar events. I use the web browser to find information when I am out and about. I send text messages. Most importantly, I make phone calls — the one thing Ms. Vieira has demonstrated is a little difficult on this device. You know what I don’t do? I don’t browse my music collection on my phone. I don’t watch TV shows on my phone. In short, I need a phone with smart features; I don’t need a video iPod with a phone accessory.

Assuming they meet demand, assuming they can possibly meet their targets, I give it 6 months before rumors of bad batteries start to surface. And I’m willing to bet that’s expensive to replace.

In closing: it turns out the other shoe in this fake Botox scam dropped back in 2004; why does the United States want to keep information on travelers active for 7 years, and inactive 8 years beyond that?; it turns out that it’s mostly private dollars rebuilding New Orleans; the Supreme Court remembers that the First Amendment gives the people the right to recourse in the courts and doesn’t give Congress the right to say otherwise; and your brain on politics. Oh, and Maya’s Granny having her one year anniversary of blogging has reminded me that I’ve been at this 4 whole years now. Some of my favorite posts include I can vouch for him, Evil, these early ideas on tax simplification, practical advice on school programs, and the Dragon and the Tiger.

Have a great weekend, everyone!