funny pictures – Page 5 – Shortwoman.com

Happy Rapture Day!

How’s that working out for you? I feel fine.

So I haven’t said anything about the brouhaha surrounding now-former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn. Let me remedy that right now:

But by far, the best actual headline has to be IMF Aborted Internal Investigation of Strauss-Kahn in 2008. Thank you, Businessweek!

In closing: the truth; if even joking about having a bomb is enough to get you arrested, then why weren’t TSA officers arrested?; most Americans don’t give a **** what gender your spouse is; Disagree with me? And you’re a woman? Or an underage female? You deserve to be killed and raped! (*ahem* at least according to some animals who consider themselves conservatives — just a friendly reminder, you don’t know whether I’ve got a concealed carry license, now do you); For pity sake, Mr. President, just freaking appoint Elizabeth Warren already!; The People want more regulation of Wall Street (are we mad enough to “vote all the bums out?”); the environmental case for legalizing marijuana; are your children at the park?; and Mark Zuckerberg is a freaking idiot.

Public Service Announcement

If you’ve noticed that a bunch of your favorite blogs that usually update every day don’t have new posts, there’s a reason. I have it on good authority that Blogger is down. This good authority goes on to wonder how “fun” it would be to have a cloud computing outage when trying to get work done.

In Closing: Nat Geo decides they don’t want any trouble with the Yakuza; dead terrorist; happy; reality; new thing to do in Vegas (no gambling or drinking required); homeless in Vegas; scrutiny; states‘ rights; McCain regains sanity; awwww; reading; kids are capable when we let them be; on immigration; Social Security; and does Michelle Bachmann know more than a high schooler?

Insight on Conspiracy Theories

A few years back, Bill Nye — the Science Guy — angered a Waco, TX audience by pointing out that the moon “shines” because it reflects sunlight. Why? Because the Bible says the moon is a great light set in the sky by God during the creation.

Now, stay with me on this. If you honestly, truly believe that the moon is nothing more than a “great light” in the sky, you have to believe that the moon landings were a hoax. After all, how can Neil Armstrong have walked on a “great light?” It’s preposterous! Nor are you likely to change the mind of a person who believes this; if you put them on a rocket to the moon, got out a spacesuit, and invited them to take a walk around, they would smile and say what a lovely movie set — or are you doing it with CGI these days?

Likewise, many people have seen a car crash into the side of a house. The car is smaller than the house, and might take down a wall, but the house rarely falls. Maybe even they have seen a small airplane crash into a house. Again, the larger object prevails. So it is understandable that some people think the Twin Towers can’t possibly have been taken down by airplanes — one each. After all, a similar airplane [allegedly] rammed the Pentagon, and it didn’t fall down! One can see where they might want a better explanation.

Further, if you believe that American boys are have simple names like Bob or Jack or Matthew, you’ll probably have a hard time accepting that some crazy momma in America in 1961 actually named her kid Barack. Worse than that, to add insult to injury by giving him a middle name like Hussein! Maybe they knew somebody they called Barry once, but that guy’s given name was some old family name like Bertrand or Barnard. Not Barack! As if to emphasize this, Firefox’s spell-checking insists that Barack must surely be a misspelling, even though we’ve had a President by that name for 2 years now.

Don’t get me wrong. I think at this point most of the Birthers are just finding it hard to believe that America elected a (ahem) black man President. But when somebody has a this-or-that, for-us-or-against-us way of thinking, there’s no convincing them that they are wrong.

In closing: this story goes with this chart; defeat the meme; on workplace safety in China; end of the beginning; a couple of follow up items; Cynthia‘s got a point; and what exactly is the point?

Stop Lying about the Economy

Judge Judy had a little saying which I’m sure wasn’t original: “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” Well, by my way of thinking, The Experts who compile and release data have been peeing on our heads and telling us what a good thing golden rain is!

When Wal-Mart’s CEO says their shoppers are running out of money, things are bad. Seriously. Wal-Mart, for pity sake.

Unemployment is a serious problem. In fact, there’s one job for every 4 unemployed job seekers. That means that even if by some miracle we were able to fill every job vacancy with someone currently unemployed, we still couldn’t get unemployment down below 7%. And more people file for unemployment every week. Nevertheless, instead of doing anything that might create desperately needed jobs, Congress is hell-bent on slashing the deficit created by the Bush tax cuts. Never mind that creating jobs would be creating employees who earn an income and pay income tax.

Over a quarter of renters are paying more than half their income on housing — a number that should alarm anyone with a passing familiarity with the rental industry. This is despite the fact that “multi-generational housing” — double-speak for “I had to move in with the kids/parents” — is “hot.”

So now GDP growth has “slowed.” I still contend that if inflation were calculated fairly, we wouldn’t have had much in the way of “growth” in a decade. How can we have “growth” when so many people are jobless, underemployed, not even looking for work anymore, losing their homes, losing their savings, losing their retirement plans, not even having enough money to shop at Wal-Mart anymore? I bet it has a lot to do with companies like Exxon, Pepsi, and Microsoft having great earnings. These are large, multi-national businesses that earn money — and have workers — in many countries. Offshoring jobs is only part of the story. Remember, earnings season is just starting, so expect a lot more of these happy-Wall-Street stories.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the trade deficit. Granted, that’s already figured into GDP, so you can’t blame it for manipulating GDP, only causing a decline. That $45 thousand million dollars represents money that used to be in America, that is now in other nations, raising their standard of living. In one month! And do not forget that this number is as high as it is because here in America, we no longer make many things more durable than a latte.

So sure, the economy is great if you are a large corporation, or wealthy. To the rest of us, that golden rain is just someone else’s pee.

In closing: taking personal responsibility to it’s illogical extreme; better apply for that passport now; amen, CSM; on nutrition; Ezra comes >< this close to blaming the media for the Birthers; how come if ObamaCare is so bad, Republicans want to dismantle Medicare in favor of something just like it?; being poor is hazardous to your lifespan; you never know when you might spot something new; let me save you some time; more on student loans; and yeah, that will help.

A few pictures for you

First off, we have an old tsunami warning.

Then, well, I, uh. Hmm this one may be NSFW. It’s certainly WTF.

And when I drove past this, I almost took my own picture. But I figured “Hey, it’s in the MLS!” Somebody is buying this delightful old house. Well, I think “house” is a strong word for it. And by “delightful” I mean that it is devoid of electric lights. But the buyer is getting over an acre on a major road with a structure that needs tearing down.

And to finish off, here’s one I call “Tie a Red Ribbon Round the Old Brass T”

Well Isn’t That Interesting

Gee, isn’t it peculiar that right after a very close election in Wisconsin, a voting official with a history of not exactly doing things the proper way happens to find just enough votes for one particular candidate to avoid a required recount, against pretty much every rule of computer programming and common sense?

Good thing there’s paper ballots. Somebody better pick those up before the mysterious fire. You never know when a mysterious fire can happen. You might be experiencing one right now!

In closing: the contents of Notorious B.I.G.’s pockets when he died; have a Koch and a smile; escaped leopard menaces children; blast from the past; Fox News through history; stop coddling the kids, they know better; yeah, because clearly Eric Holder has nothing important to do; it’s never been about deficit reduction (go ahead! shut the government down! but stop paying the worthless congresscreeps who got us here!); on the middle class; How to tell if your neighbor is cooking up explosives; what’s that doing in this century?; Detroit; the truth about how California reduced malpractice costs; make sure you are both on the mortgage; I doubt this seriously (did anybody bother to compare cost-with-coupon to cost of store brand?); stop tweeting ads; earthquake art; whistleblowers; and a cat with a gun.

Ignore Them

I am completely disgusted with pretty much all politicians, and even more so with politicians that try to position themselves as “I’m a [insert noun] first, not just another politician.” Those ones are dangerous because half the time they don’t understand what the heck they are dealing with. I’m talking to you, Dr. Joe Heck!

I’m tired of politicians who think we can balance the budget without increasing taxes.

I’m tired of politicians who think we can balance the budget without addressing our 2 1/2 wars.

I’m tired of politicians who think that just because I’m not 55 yet, I just need to kiss Social Security goodbye.

I’m tired of politicians who are so ignorant of history that they think there can be a “private sector” solution to Medicare.

I’m tired of politicians who use the phrase “death tax,” when only a few thousand people will ever pay it.

I’m tired of politicians who use coded words to whip the ignorant into a frenzy. (“Domestic enemy”? Why not just call him Satan or the Anti-Christ? What a shame that you really mean he’s an “uppity ******”!)

And most of all, I’m tired of the other politicians who won’t call them out on this nonsense. Don’t even get me started on the media that lets them lie on the air and call it the truth.

Go ahead. Close down the government. Do it! Do it right at “tax day” and completely screw yourselves.

In Closing: defense; a man and his boat; two takes on dessert sushi; WHY??; if you won’t stop for humane reasons, or justice reasons, how about fiscal reasons?; about time; I like Kathy; it’s all about cheap labor; gaming inflation through housing prices; if you haven’t heard about the real Tea Party yet, watch it today; resist BAMTOR; I knew this would happen! Throw the book at them!; and a picture of a random cat. If anybody knows the source, put it in comments so I can attribute it:

Shorties Highway

A few things about the Economy: Standard of Living; broke; working for nothing.

Wonder Wonder, Wonder Woman!: The History of the Universe as told by Wonder Woman.

Is it time to stop?: I don’t know.

Um, Yeah: Stock photos.

A sign of the Catpocalypse: Hello Kitty Hell tells you to buy Hello Kitty stuff by the 31st to support earthquake and tsunami relief.

A few things about Politics: Dems, Ur Doin It Wrong; Budget; Tax the Super Rich or Face a Revolution; Tom Hartmann.

Springtime in Vegas: Mojave Max says so.

Adapting: Sake.

And now for something cute: Smokey the Purring Cat. I bet that will wake you in the middle of the night!

Tokyo does not have 3 syllables

This morning, after listening to a newsman mangle the pronunciation of the current Prime Minister of Japan’s name, I thought it might be polite to give readers a brief guide to how to pronounce all those words you might see in print regarding the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear plant issues.

Thankfully, you don’t need to read any of the three sets of characters used to read and write Japanese; it’s come to you already in “roman” characters called “romanji” or “roomaji” in Japanese. Better yet, every letter always makes the same sound, which is more than you can say for English! So here’s how the vowels work:

“a” always makes an “ah” sound, as in “father” or “want”
“e” always makes an “eh” sound, as in “lend” or “get”
“i” always makes an “eee” sound — just like it does in Italian or Latin. Think “Italiano”. Sometimes, if it would cause emphasis to be given to a syllable, it is almost silent as in “Hiroshima”.
“o” always makes an “oh” sound, like in “slow” or “tempo”
“u” always makes an “oo” sound, like in “tune” or “rule”. Like “i”, sometimes it is almost silent as in “sukiyaki” or “desu” (which means “is”)
Vowels can be doubled up, which results in it being held longer. The most obvious example of this is “Tokyo,” which would be spelled out in Hiragana as something more like “Toukyou”.

And there are a few consonants that seem to give people trouble:

“g” is always hard, as in “get” or “give” or “gen mai cha”
“j” always makes a j sound, like in “jet” or “jive”
“tsu” is said just like it’s written; the t is not silent
sometimes an “n” at the end of a syllable has a sound somewhere between an n and an m (in Japanese, it gets its own character when this happens)
“y” is a consonant, and in words like Tokyo and Kyoto, it is part of one syllable (written with two characters — it gets complicated)

Sorry if this seems a little pedantic. Now you’ll be able to read all those place names in the news and the items on your local sushi/teppanyaki place like a champ.

Now for a special what the??? edition of In Closing: Etsy child abuse; save the Northwest Tree Octopus (you’ve never seen one because they’re endangered!); secret cat haven; an unlikely charitable organization; duh; war on undesirables drugs; historically hardcore; capture the what??; actually it was a little longer than one decade; complaints; can you pass?; the Gentleman from Ohio; time for some realistic time management (including the use of the word NO); remember; vorpal bunnies in Spain; stupid; not really; worried; poor babies; fear; time poverty; the cat and the crickets; yes, this is real; Mrs. God; and find the unnecessary word in this comic:

Connecting the Dots

Today, the SEC announced fraud charges against a third banker for selling worthless and non-existent mortgages to Colonial Bank, leading to its collapse. This is on the heels said executive confessing to conspiracy and being sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Most reporting on “mortgage fraud” centers on one of two themes: Joe Average knew perfectly well he couldn’t afford the house and lied to get the mortgage in the first place; or robosigning was a just an unfortunate oversight caused by the sheer volume of foreclosures and nobody could reasonably predicted a problem. Both infuriate me. The first was only a small fraction of the foreclosures we have, and the second is merely a cover-up for the real mortgage fraud.

Let’s start from the beginning.

The buyer is told by an unscrupulous mortgage broker that he indeed does qualify for a mortgage, even though the mortgage broker knows that within 3 to 5 years, this buyer will have to refinance or go into foreclosure.
Some buyers — mostly minorities — are pushed into sub-prime mortgages despite the fact that they qualify for a better deal. They are at higher risk of foreclosure from day one and the mortgage broker knows it.
In some cases, a bait-and-switch occurs at the closing table. Either the documents presented are not what was promised, or only the first few pages reflect what the buyer was promised. The rest of the huge stack of paper the buyer must sign is at a higher rate or with worse terms.
The mortgages are sold to trusts, banks, insurance companies, pension funds, investment firms, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. They have been fraudulently represented as “performing” — that is, paying every month and likely to continue. Sometimes, these loans change hands multiple times. This is particularly true in an environment where some financial institutions have failed.
The original bank is now just the servicer, and they have every incentive to add fees, post payments late, deny short sales, deny mortgage modifications, and push the homeowner into foreclosure.
Meanwhile, in violation of the laws of every state in the union, they have failed to report the new mortgage holder at the county recorder’s office. After all, that costs money. Instead, they put together a private company to keep track of who owns what: MERS stands for Mortgage Electronic Registration System. The banking industry insists that this is fine, the law is quaint, this is the way everybody does things now, so the courts need to just accept it. Courts in several states have disagreed. Just because everybody goes above the speed limit doesn’t mean you won’t get a ticket.
The homeowner knows he is in trouble. He calls to ask about a mortgage modification. He is fraudulently told that they won’t even consider it unless he stops paying for 3 months. When the 3 month mark comes, the homeowner is in default and the foreclosure process is begun; it’s a race to see whether the modification or the foreclosure finishes first.
Default is where the robosigners finally come in to play. They have stacks and stacks of documents, some of which need to be fabricated because originals were shredded to hide fraud.
I would be remiss if I did not point out that in some cases, banks are foreclosing illegally: they foreclose on the wrong home, they foreclose without legal standing to do so, they foreclose in violation of a bankruptcy order, they foreclose on a member of our military who is serving overseas.
In the fallout, some financial institutions fail.
The banks turn around and sell the properties at absurdly low prices, sinking property values. In any other industry, they would face charges of dumping.

And there you have it. Robosigners and “people who should have known better” are only a very small part of the mess we now face.

Cross-posted at The Moderate Voice.

In closing: the center is further left; “don’t expose our law breaking trade secrets!”; odd recall; on austerity; women‘s issues; tied hands; seriously??; Pac-Man was supposed to be for girls; I’ve got a soft spot for VW, but this is not likely to be my next car; glad they can agree on something; Superman‘s citizenship and other issues; what are we hiding?; fix it; Matt Damon; and a picture: