Clive Barker’s SHORTIESRAISER

Ok!  Let’s clear some browser tabs!

Yahoo!: Not so excited about Wall Street protesters.

Anybody Surprised?: OnStar selling your data. But have no fear, they won’t give it to the FBI for free. Unless they ask sweetly.

To think I’ve been paying money for this: How to make your own ricotta.

Explain it again: seriously, how does lower taxes for wealthy individuals cause these guys to create jobs?

It was still the damned scopes: Desai will stand trail.

From the Archive of Great Headlines: Anonymous US Officials push open government (HT).

Drew hits the nail on the head: How some people think it’s obviously meant to read.

More missing good old days that were only good for wealthy white Protestant folks: colleges becoming increasingly unaffordable, and scholarships becoming increasingly scarce.

Don’t travel with cash: Unless you can afford to lose it.

We’re Number One!: In a bad way. Nevada leads the nation in domestic violence killings. Remember SafeNest.

Silence: At what point do we get noisy?

About the Ladies: Middle Class White Guy and crimes vs. reported crimes.

Wish I were surprised: Fewer than one in 4 people can correctly identify all 3 branches of our Government.

And last…

Oh Hai!: I brought you something!

 

Curious No More

When I saw this in a parking lot, I wondered what the heck it was:


Now I know. It’s an old mail truck!

 

Alright, for those of you who aren’t into Volkswagens, here’s In Closing: earthquake shaking things up at the zoo; solving Too Big Too Fail with Even Bigger; I wonder if Blodget is right; the cover-up continues; just in case you didn’t have enough depressing bank news; sure a “high fat” diet can cause diabetes, when it’s also a MEGA sugar diet!; wouldn’t it be terrible if Amy Winehouse didn’t have a drug/booze problem but rather a degenerative neurological disease?; “Hey, if he can stop earthquakes, why can’t he golf and bike at the same time?”; the New Retirement Plan; told you so; in case you didn’t understand that the War on Drugs was racist; only 1 in 5 medical malpractice cases result in anybody getting money (other than the lawyers, of course) (or if you prefer, 4 out of 5 med-mal cases may be almost completely without merit).

Misdirection

OK, Maybe CNN wasn’t terribly subtle when they said “Washington could take down a mega-bank” and then immediately below showed a row of Bank of America ATMs. And don’t get me wrong, everything I have read about B of A lately indicates that they are skating on thin ice.

But don’t lose track of the prize. Fannie Mae just was forced to buy bought $500,000,000 in crappy loans from B of A — despite having plenty of foreclosures and pre-foreclosures of their own — in what Fortune calls a “back-door TARP.”

Gee, this couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the motivation behind a proposed program to help get rid of Fannie, Freddie, and HUD’s foreclosed properties, now could it? By the way, the headline is just a tweak misleading. They aren’t talking about slapping a “For Rent” sign in the lawns of these houses; they are talking about finding some sucker investor to buy them in bulk (that means with limited ability to pick and choose) under the condition of renting them out. Never mind that these homes are in conditions that vary from pristine to bulldozer-ready. Never mind that investors are already cherry-picking the best of them. Never mind that Fannie, Freddie, and HUD all have systems in place to favor owner-occupants when selling foreclosed properties.

Not gonna work.

In closing: I hope he’s still open for civil damages; She-Ra; Clavell did this as a novel, but with helicopters; If I Had $1000 Dollars; it hasn’t worked yet so let’s keep doing it; S&P and 63% of Americans agree about one thing; I know things are bad when Ron Paul starts to make sense; check your LinkedIn prefs; and Bert and Ernie are puppets, they have no sexual orientation.

Book Review Time!

This time it’s The Beach Trees. Go check it out!

In Closing: The Burger Economy; bang; Amen; Social Security; Dodd-Frank; hold on to your hats; credit; thank goodness somebody is telling the truth; it turns out that “green” technology employs more people than the oil or gas industries; nudie scanners getting less nude (still bombarding you with radiation!); and tea ceremony.

Banks Will Continue to Make Their Own Rules

President Obama is backing down from the idea of actually having a Consumer Financial Protection Bureau that protects consumers in any way. Elizabeth Warren is reportedly out of the running to head it. To me, this telegraphs that the CFPB may give lip service to protecting consumers and enforcing the law, but will probably really protect bankers from consumers while they continue to break the law and screw their so-called customers.

I sure do hope he’s not planning on my support to get re-elected.

In Closing: two ships that never sailed; still not vegetarian, adds ew; way to go, kid; neighbors would rather have a house be empty and slip into complete disrepair than have that man live there; Kucinich has a point (but credit rating agencies didn’t cause a crisis by handing downgrades, banks did by playing games with the numbers!); everyone panic!; the fight over nudie scanners has just begun; it’s good to be king CEO; and 5 fundamental problems with the jobs market.

Cyrus: Shorties of a Serial Killer

8 Years: Somehow I managed to overlook my Blogiversary.

Next time you have a hard time getting through to your doctor’s office: Remember that the Feds are tying up the line trying to figure out how hard it is for you to get an appointment.

He’s just so nice: Matt Damon is trying to find ways to help African people get clean, safe water. And he’s good looking, and he can act.

On Fitness: Ladies, please ignore the fact that it comes from a publication called “Men’s Journal.” The Truth is unisex.

Let’s Get This Out of the Way: Everybody knows that yet another appeals court says there’s no Constitutional problems with the Affordable Care Act, right? Ok, moving on then.

In other news, Bill Gates Doesn’t Understand Capitalism: Ignoring the diseases of poverty isn’t a failure, it’s a sign that there’s no money in it. That’s why it’s called “poverty.”

Shut up and get back to work!: Yeah, it sure would be nice to have paid sick days. I have no idea how you’d do that for those of us who are self-employed.

Professor is Correct Again: Cutting the budget deficit won’t put a single person to work. In fact, it will put some government employees out of work. It will also reduce GDP — which by definition includes government spending. Who are the President’s economic advisers? The ghost of Herbert Hoover? A least he understands that there is no way to balance the budget without taxes.

Computer Security: Don’t stick strange memory sticks in your computer! You don’t know where they’ve been! Stupidity makes hacking possible.

Missing Cute White Girl of the Week Club: Why it’s bad for all of us. Amen, brother.

Senator Bernie Sanders: Speaking Truth in a place where it has been lacking.

To those of you who just got out of medical school: Sage words of a Dinosaur.

Too Big To Fail: Simply must be Too Big To Exist.

Sahara: The sign is going to be at the Neon Museum.

Most expensive used car ever: A painstakingly restored 1963 Volkswagen Microbus.

Looking forward to it: Shatner‘s latest film is a documentary wherein he interviews all 5 actors who have played a Star Trek captain.

Speaking of documentaries: Everything you know is probably wrong.

Screw Infrastructure: Apparently it is more cost effective to build a bridge in China and have it shipped here. We won’t have any lasting recovery until we get away from the Latte Economy.

Tomorrow, I’ll have some exciting news for you. In the meantime, stay cool.

Happy Rapture Day!

How’s that working out for you? I feel fine.

So I haven’t said anything about the brouhaha surrounding now-former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn.  Let me remedy that right now:
Matt Bors

But by far, the best actual headline has to be IMF Aborted Internal Investigation of Strauss-Kahn in 2008. Thank you, Businessweek!

In closing: the truth; if even joking about having a bomb is enough to get you arrested, then why weren’t TSA officers arrested?; most Americans don’t give a **** what gender your spouse is; Disagree with me? And you’re a woman? Or an underage female? You deserve to be killed and raped! (*ahem* at least according to some animals who consider themselves conservatives — just a friendly reminder, you don’t know whether I’ve got a concealed carry license, now do you); For pity sake, Mr. President, just freaking appoint Elizabeth Warren already!; The People want more regulation of Wall Street (are we mad enough to “vote all the bums out?”); the environmental case for legalizing marijuana; are your children at the park?; and Mark Zuckerberg is a freaking idiot.

I Saw the Shorties

I have got to get into the habit of little posts throughout the week. Today’s items are a little mind-blowing.

On Taxes and Debt: Two graphs.

On Inflation: Core rate is crazy.

Explains the Popularity of Certain People: Most people just don’t read books.

I wonder if they’ll remember this come fall: Americans want to nearly double fuel efficiency standards.

Danger, Mistress: Alert the Doctor, Sarah Jane has been traveling solo.

Sadly, probably not a world record: One man eats 25,000 Bic Macs over 13,800 days. I feel bloated just thinking about it.

Speaking of bloating: 513 illegal immigrants in 2 trucks.

Sure, that’s your money, but you can’t have it! You’d just spend it on food and shelter: The Senate wants to “save” you from spending your own 401k funds in an emergency.

Record Used Car Prices: and it’s not just “Cash for Clunkers” that got us here, but the recession and Japan’s earthquake/tsunami issues.

“Banks Say Simpler Mortgage Form Could ‘Stifle’ New Products”: by “stifle“, they mean “make it harder to trick you into getting a mortgage that will gradually strangle your finances.”

On living within your means: If it weren’t for credit cards, the American economy would suck even worse.

On Bid Laden’s Security: It involved about 100 flash drives.

Millenials Have No Clue: They think that they are precious snowflakes that deserve jobs, despite reality.

If you’re going to be out of town for a while, make sure somebody is watching your place: you never know when somebody might set up a brothel inside.

Reid Dares Them: Yeah, go ahead and vote to gut Medicare. Do it. I dare you.

Huh?: Obama says Israel needs to go back to its 1967 borders and like it?? Oy, that will put some people in a tizzy.

Here’s a Hint, Janet: Stop treating us all like criminals. Enough with the nudie scanners. Enough with the probulators. Enough with confiscating our water bottles while letting real threats through. Enough with the Do Not Fly list and other shit that doesn’t keep us safe.

That is all.

Public Service Announcement

If you’ve noticed that a bunch of your favorite blogs that usually update every day don’t have new posts, there’s a reason. I have it on good authority that Blogger is down. This good authority goes on to wonder how “fun” it would be to have a cloud computing outage when trying to get work done.

In Closing: Nat Geo decides they don’t want any trouble with the Yakuza; dead terrorist; happy; reality; new thing to do in Vegas (no gambling or drinking required); homeless in Vegas; scrutiny; statesrights; McCain regains sanity; awwww; reading; kids are capable when we let them be; on immigration; Social Security; and does Michelle Bachmann know more than a high schooler?

Tucker and Shorties vs Evil

Inspirational Story of the Day: Teen disappointed that he didn’t make the soccer team, so he loses 60 pounds and deadlifts 308 pounds. There are lots of things you can do if you want to badly enough.

Um, Yeah: I can see where meeting a co-worker in such a place might be bothersome. Just say “but it’s the Wall Street Journal! I thought it was business news!” if you get caught reading that at work.

Hi-Ho Silver! Away!: Now might be a good time to sell?

That’s a Good Point: Charity and God may go well together, but not always.

What Would Your Doctor Do?: Say no to nudie-scanners.

Let’s just put all this economic news in one spot: First, we’ve got payroll numbers, which are “rising” but at too slow a pace. Campaign for America’s Future reminds us that “it’s the economy, stupid” and “Americans want government to play a larger role in economic recovery.” Because big business doesn’t give a damn; after all there’s an entire rest of the world to exploit. Tiger Beatdown has a nice item on the ongoing class war that nobody [wealthy] wants to talk about. Meanwhile, more and more families are feeding their families with help from food stamps. Inflation is going to make things even worse for those of us who aren’t millionaires. Tim Iacono points out that the savings rate is even worse that we think. Teen joblessness may reach record levels this summer — which means expect idle teens to find ways to get into trouble. People are defaulting on their student loans. But hey, at least small businesses are borrowing money; maybe they’ll actually hire people.

How interesting: So with gas prices what they are and our nation importing oil, American oil companies are exporting more oil than they sell here! And best of all they are sucking down American tax dollars at the same time!

Even Shutting It is Controversial: Yucca Mountain. I guess some good padlocks aren’t sufficient, eh?

Fortune is Right: What good is a consumer protection agency that can’t protect? If Congress waters down consumer protections, or Elizabeth Warren doesn’t get to head the CFPB, you will know that our lawmakers have sold our souls to the banksters that ripped us off.

Susan’s Got a Point: It is called “special education” for a reason.

Eric Holder’s Vow is Worthless: Back in 2009 he vowed to stop raids on medical marijuana facilities (yeah, I’m no HuffPo fan, but the only better link was NYT). But I guess whatever forces really control the War On Drugs Used By Poor And/Or Brown People told him how stuff is: his office has warned states that they will prosecute anyone they think they can prosecute for medical marijuana. Never mind what the people think. Their opinion only counts on election day, after all.

The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same: Marie Osmond celebrated her wedding to her third husband… who just happened to have been her first husband. She even got to recycle her original wedding gown. Thanks, NutriSystem!