Now see, this is what I was talking about

Just the other day, I was mentioning that a weight loss diet should include avoiding most food that comes out of a box. I did not yet know that this abomination of a product existed. Now, pay special attention to the fact that this “Beef Stroganoff” includes a “creamy cheese sauce” that is “made with real cheese.” Let’s just leave aside for the moment the potential nastiness of cheese that doesn’t require refrigeration.

Here’s the ingredient list to Paula Deen’s Stroganoff recipe:

• 1 1/2 pounds cubed round steak, cut into thin strips
• House Seasoning, recipe follows
• All-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 medium onion, sliced
• 8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced
• 1 (10 3/4-ounce) can beef broth
• 1 (10 3/4-ounce) can cream of mushroom soup
• Salt and black pepper
• 1 cup sour cream
• Cooked egg noodles

Notice something? No cheese. The can of soup is suboptimal but alas almost standard in American casserole cooking. Oh look, here’s a similar recipe from the Campbell’s Soup Company!

Here’s what Betty Crocker thinks goes into Stroganoff:

1 1/2 pounds beef sirloin steak, 1/2 inch thick

8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced (2 1/2 cups)

2 medium onions, thinly sliced

1 garlic clove, finely chopped

1/4 cup butter or margarine

1 1/2 cups Progresso® beef flavored broth (from 32-ounce carton)

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1/4 cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups sour cream

3 cups hot cooked egg noodles

Hmm, no cheese there either. Points to Betty for using broth as the base for the sauce.

Ok, what about Epicurious:

• 1 2 1/2-pound piece beef tenderloin, well trimmed, meat cut into 2x1x1/2 inch strips
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) butter
• 1/4 cup finely chopped shallots
• 1 pound small button mushrooms, thickly sliced
• 1 cup canned beef broth
• 2 tablespoons Cognac
• 3/4 cup crème fraîche or whipping cream
• 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh dill
• 12 ounces wide egg noodles
• 1 tablespoon paprika

Ok, crème fraîche instead of sour cream. Still, no cheese.

And just to round out the entries, a less Americanized version:

• 1 1/2 pounds beef tenderloin, sliced into thin 2-inch-long strips
• 2 finely chopped onions
• 4 ounces butter
• 4 ounces sliced button mushrooms
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup beef stock
• Pinch dry mustard
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 6 ounces white wine (optional)
• Salt and pepper

Hey, you know what’s missing from that recipe?? Paprika! Ok, just kidding the answer is cheese.

In fact, if you look at the Wikipedia article on Stroganoff, you’ll find sour cream mentioned 5 times and cheese mentioned zero times. Anybody who eats this boxed concoction and then orders the real thing in a restaurant is going to have a big surprise! Whatever this stuff in the box might be, the one thing I am sure it won’t be is Beef Stroganoff. Heck, I’m not really sure it’s food.

In Closing: assassination; special; chicken; payrolls; and FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH!