Category: Eat, Drink, and Move That Body!

To the Lady in Workout Clothes ahead of me at the Grocery Store

Hey dear, let me tell you why you’re never going to lose that 10 to 20 pounds around your hips and waist and why your hubby is never going to lose the gut unless you change your ways.

I’m not going to put all the blame on the expensive whole wheat crap that you think is good for you, even though you should probably only eat half that at most, and even though there is a case to be made for that being your biggest problem. Many experts think that’s good stuff, but you still should put some of it back on the shelf.

I’m not going to be too hard on you for the gallon of frozen yogurt. Again, you think you’re doing the right diet thing, even though it’s still got far too much sugar in it to be truly healthy. Maybe you only eat a tablespoon a day? Maybe I wasn’t close enough to see that it was one of those fat-free or sugar-free chemistry sets masquerading as real food?

I’m not going to put all the blame on the plentiful sports drinks in your cart, even though there is simply no way you are working out hard enough for them to be beneficial to you. Have you ever looked at the nutrition panel? It’s probably replenishing every calorie you “worked” off, and many of those drinks contain corn syrup. If you seriously worked out hard enough for these to be a good idea, you would never dream of wearing your disgusting sweaty workout clothes to a grocery store — even fresh out of the wash!

I am going to rag on you just a little bit for the 3 boxes of different kinds of crackers. For pity sake, if you want to eat something that goes crunch, try an apple or a carrot! You might get some vitamins out of the deal.

I am going to rag on you just a little bit for the fact that the only protein I saw in your cart was a pound of ground beef. Come on, that’s going to last a week? If you don’t eat some protein, your body is just going to steal it from your muscles. In case you didn’t know, muscle is what keeps you from looking like a complete blob.

But the one thing that I think is your biggest problem was the stack of 6 frozen pizzas. That proves that you only give the faintest lip service to eating healthy: pizza is neither low carb nor low fat. Ever. Just, please, tell me that’s not a one week supply. Lie to me if you must. You want a pizza? Learn to make that stuff from scratch. I can guarantee you’ll eat less of it because it’s harder than stuffing that frozen crap in a hot oven, it will be better tasting because you’ll use better ingredients, and healthier. Why healthier? You’ll actually burn some calories kneeding the dough, shaping it, and putting quality stuff on top!

Want to make that gut vanish? Try eating real, minimally processed food. Sure, you’ll have to spend more than 3 minutes preparing it, but you and your husband will both be better off.

I’d like to say at least your dog eats well, but you didn’t buy any dog food.

In Closing: would you like to play a game?; playing it safe; poverty tax; ever wonder what the numbers mean?; duh; travel tips; “let’s just take these laptops with no anti-virus to a hacker’s conference! What could possibly go wrong???”; parks; make “the Pill” OTC, prevent abortions; we don’t need “administrators” with no common sense having any authority over children, ever, for any reason.

Addressing a trend

I’ve been getting more than my fair share of comment spam recently (not quite enough that I’m ready to use one of those “prove you’re human” things). Lately, one of the topics is HCG diets.

Let me make one thing perfectly crystal clear about HCG: it is the only diet drug required by the FDA to have a black box warning saying it does not work! Really, that’s the only thing you need to know about HCG. Just say no. It’s a waste of your money and potentially dangerous.

As for the new “safer” homeopathic HCG drops, they’re still sugar water. Further, even if homeopathy did work, the “Law of Similars” — “a substance that when taken in crude form causes a set of symptoms or disease in a healthy person can cure similar symptoms occurring during an illness when treated with small, often infinitesimal, potentised doses of the same substance” — would suggest that diluting a weight loss “drug” for homeopathic use would make the user gain weight, wouldn’t it?

It is at this point that I will point out that I’m not a doctor, nor a dietician. I’m only pointing out two things: HCG is FDA proven to not work for weight loss, and mixing it with a bunch of water isn’t likely to make it more effective.

While we are on the topic, here’s some tips for not letting the holidays ruin your diet.

In Closing: tricorder; oops; The Jungle returns; doing good work; what??; free markets won’t fix health care; which reality will win, not enough money to retire or not enough health to keep working?; couples and money; the near poor; I’ve always thought it would be a great idea to have a “third party debate,” and apparently there was; and who needs MacGyver when Dolph Lundgren really exists??

What did I tell you?

Back in July, I talked about turkey sandwiches being dressed up in Thanksgiving condiments. I figured the trend would percolate around the high end dining scene for a while before hitting casual dining. Well, I was a little off. It is returning to the carry out restaurant world from which it came first.

Einstein Bros is now offering a seasonal menu that includes a “roasted turkey breast sandwich… spiced with cranberry ginger chutney and offered on an artisan wheat bread.” Sure, it’s seasonal. But I bet if they sell well they could jump to the regular menu. Regrettably, it’s hard to get nutrition info on the seasonal items.

So, where do we see the “Thanksgiving sandwich” pop up next? A quick web search suggests that it’s the item to have on seasonal menus everywhere. I miss La Madeleine more now.

In Closing: this is what parental consent laws do; I see what you did there; killing Big Bird will cut 0.01% from the national budget; not only dumbed down, but deliberately made unreadably dull; stamps; debunking; let them be responsible but remember that we’re checking up on your oversight; and a new mom.

Disaster Averted!!

It turns out that we need not fear a global bacon shortage. Prices may go up, but since I expect prices to go up on pretty much all foodstuffs (already seeing it on some products), I refuse to panic. Maybe now they’ll have to stop making that bacon-infused-lunchmeat crap.

In Closing: how to waste time while imaging that you are doing “marketing“; student loans and the default thereupon; ain’t I a woman too; you can’t reform schools successfully without addressing poverty; but clearly jobs are going overseas because we have too much regulation and lazy workers, right?; and when the ACLU and the Heritage Foundation agree, either something is a serious problem or you need to be on the lookout for other signs of the apocalypse.

Turkey Sandwich Wars

As nearly as I can tell, it started with a regional chain called Capriotti’s and a sandwich known as The Bobbie. It’s basically “Thanksgiving Dinner on a sub bun”: Turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and mayo. Delicious if a bit carb-heavy.

Then a local sandwich shop called Eddie D’s threw down with their own version. As Eddie himself put it, “I call it the Robert, because it’s the Bobbie’s daddy.” It’s served hot with turkey, melted cheese, stuffing, cranberry sauce and you can order it with hot gravy. Also delicious.

Expect some variation to come to fine dining near you and then eventually filter down to the casual dining set. The other day I was exposed to Marche Bacchus’s take on the Thanksgiving sandwich. Their version features housemade cole slaw, swiss cheese, caramelized onions, and cranberry coulis. A huge improvement over the turkey panini they used to serve.

I think this trend could be the next Slider of the culinary world.

In Closing: Iceland wants banksters in jail; and that’s why they fear Occupy; why is this not an election talking point?; food safety rules delayed; she gets it (BTW, love the content hate the font); walking changes linked to cognitive decline; loose lips sink viruses; upscale pawn shops (because the economy is so great); spoiled; doesn’t everyone need an espresso maker in their car??; seriously; the mayor is a cat; and why we wear pants.

Apparently She Got Religion

Maybe you remember a while back that I ragged on Paula Deen for the hypocrisy of hyping cake on the same magazine cover proclaiming she was going to talk about living with diabetes.

Well, that’s still bad. But at least she seems to be getting her own dietary house in order.

This week’s People Magazine features Paula on the cover, 30 pounds lighter than she used to be. She’s eating fruits and vegetables — without reducing them to cake form first. She’s giving up some of the decadent stuff she’s made over the years. She’s trying to exercise. And she’s trying to give up smoking.

Credit where credit is due. Keep up the good work, Paula.

In Closing: maybe letting the kid roast was higher “risk” than letting her have sunscreen (should people with that little judgement be in charge of children, ever?); sad; the problem isn’t really what they think; the Truth about Fast And Furious; get used to it! It’s a medical term for crying out loud! VAGINA!!!; physical activity and breast cancer risk; and a dictator’s worst nightmare.

Food Fight

Maybe you heard the story of a blogger who was threatened with jail time for blogging about his experience in a non-mainstream diet called “Paleo” or “Primal” eating. Never mind for just a moment that his diet doesn’t conform to what The Experts think it should. That wasn’t the issue at all: the issue and his “crime” is that he was giving dietary “advice.”

That’s exactly what the American Dietetic Association is trying to make illegal across the nation: giving “advice” without having their name-branded license. Don’t believe me? Go  on to page 3 where you’ll learn about a lady with a freakin Masters Degree in Human Nutrition who was told by her state to shut down her practice of, well, nutrition. Now, if she’s not an expert, I’m really not sure who would be!

So, could I run afoul of these laws by pointing out that veggies are good for you?

What if I link this article on how sugar may be bad for you? Never mind that too much sugar is absolutely bad for you, that article was written by journalists, not dietitians or nutritionists.

How about if I link to this infographic about nutrition for athletes and those who wish to get into shape?

This is foolishness and must be stopped.

In Closing: the case that will show “stand your ground” laws have gone overboard involves a grade school teacher who was killed because the stereo was a little loud; Depak Desai has some ‘splainin to to to the bankruptcy court; funny how you can be a loose cannon when you aren’t running for anything; he admits it; anybody surprised??; Click and Clack retiring; electric race car going up the mountain; I thought impersonating a police officer was a crime?; yeah right; and have a great weekend.

Life with Diabetes

Sure, Paula. Let’s discuss “Life with Diabetes.” How about we start by talking about the importance of laying off the “Fresh Berry Cakes”? Even the American Diabetes Association says “sweet treats” are for “special occasions.” I get the impression that around the Deen household, Tuesday counts as a special occasion. The Mayo Clinic  suggests that a diabetic’s carbohydrates should come from “fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes (beans, peas and lentils) and low-fat dairy products.” I don’t see “cake” anywhere on that list. Add to that the latest research showing that fatty acids can “impair insulin action and lead to abnormally high blood sugar.” So yeah, the berries are fine, in moderation. The cake, not so much.

I’m not a doctor, and I’m not a nutritionist, but no research has ever found that large amounts of simple sugars are good for diabetics. If you have diabetes, pre-diabetes, metabolic syndrome, or are overweight (and therefore at risk of all the above), you should really talk to your doctor instead of making Paula Deen recipes.

Crap like this is why diabetics have complications. “Carb-smart” my tuchus.

In Closing: Hmm, maybe the Principal having a hissy fit in front of cameras over an event that the mayor thought was a great thing was a bad idea; “excuse me, before I tase you do you have any underlying health conditions or drugs in your system?”; turns police work into a freaking video game (right, totally not gonna abuse that!); Apple and the iPhone; Oof, it is that time of year; and Bill Clinton chilling out with porn stars.

Kitchen Tasks that Sound Hard but Aren’t

When I got out of college, I wasn’t much of a cook. Most of what I made wasn’t awful, but much of it wasn’t good either. Still, I never bought those Hamburger Helper type products, and I have gradually stopped using most processed foods. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot. Here are some things that trust me, you really can do at home.

Whip Butter: Put some softened — not melted! — butter and some milk (or half-and-half) in the mixer. If it’s unsalted butter, add a teaspoon of salt. Start your mixer fairly while everything mixes up or you’ll spray milk everywhere. Keep turning it up gradually until it’s set to the highest setting. Keep going until that stuff is light and fluffy! Put it in a container in the fridge and enjoy for a week or two. Oh, whatever shall you enjoy that butter on? How about some homemade sourdough bread?

Sourdough Starter: Until recently, I kept a starter in the fridge. Let’s start with a film:

The short version is mix whole wheat flour with bottled or filtered water (chlorine in tap water kills microorganisms that would make you sick, but it will also kill yeasts). Put it out someplace covered with cheesecloth to keep bugs out. Once it’s going, you can use a folded paper towel and rubber band instead. Add some more water/flour mix every day until it gets foamy. Feed daily if you leave it out, weekly if you put it in the fridge.

Caesar Dressing: Ok, there are two intimidating parts to making this at home. First is called “coddling the egg.” Put a small pot of water on the stove. Use a pin to poke a small hole in the big end of the egg. Put it in boiling water for a minute. The other “hard” part is the emulsion. More on that in a minute. Toss a clove of garlic, a couple tablespoons of lemon juice, your choice of a total of 2 teaspoons of anchovy paste/Worchestershire/both (I use both), fresh ground pepper, and everything you can scrape out of 2 coddled eggs into a blender. Turn it on, and keep blending even after it looks blended. Now comes the “tricky” part: very slowly add a half cup of olive oil. Seriously, very slowly. That’s the key to the emulsion. Once you’re done, toss that stuff with some romaine hearts and parmesan and call it done.

Devein Shrimp: Ok, I admit this one is a little gross. Recently, my partner got “a great deal” on a box of frozen shrimp, and we discovered that they were whole. Get some water running because you’re going to need it. If they still have heads, you’ll need to twist their little heads off. Then follow these easy tips. By the time dinner is ready, you will have forgotten the shrimp heads.

Seasonings: I am mystified by those little packets of things like “taco seasoning” or “Italian seasoning” sold in every grocery store. Come on folks! I know it seems more expensive to buy things like garlic powder, chili powder, cumin, oregano, and basil, but a bottle of each will last quite a while through many meals. And you’ll probably get a lot less salt and preservatives too.

And don’t even get me started on canned soup as an “ingredient.” Expensive, loaded with crap you don’t need, and not nearly as good as making your own sauces.

In Closing: more Facebook; income inequality and job creation; honestly in the so-called pro-life movement; just change how we grade the test so more people pass; and crash.