Yesterday’s news was a shooting on the campus of University of Washington. Here is the national coverage from CNN, and local coverage from both the Seattle Post-Intelligencer and the Seattle Times. Both local versions of the story have links to related items that are worth seeing. Items like a copy of the protection order the young lady took out against her ex-boyfriend, a letter from the President of the University, and two warnings from two different columnists that a piece of paper can only do so much.
The nicest thing I can say about this man is that he had the courtesy to save the state the expense of a murder trial by ending his own life.
Here we are, less than 24 hours later, and instead of merely reporting breaking news, CNN is breaking news: a man killed a woman at CNN Center in what police euphemistically refer to as a “domestic situation.” That’s cop-speak for “beating the snot out of your spouse.” In the interest of balance, it is only fair to include coverage from the Seattle P-I, albeit a canned Associated Press story. I will be utterly shocked if there is not commentary in the Seattle Papers tomorrow comparing the incidents.
The gunman in this case was shot by a CNN security guard, and will surely go to trial assuming he is found competant to do so. I will leave aside for today the issue of armed security guards and their authority to shoot people.
Domestic violence is serious, serious stuff. There is no telling if or when it will get out of hand and become deadly. If you are in a relationship that is abusive, I am begging you right now to call 1-800-799-SAFE. If you know someone who you suspect is in an abusive relationship, you can click that link and find out what you can do to help. Everyone else, indulge me for another few paragraphs.
If you are not familiar with the work of Gavin De Becker, this is as good a time as any. You can find his book, The Gift of Fear at Amazon, most local bookstores, and most public libraries. Oh, and he’s got a sequel about terrorism. Some of the things I learned are :
1. Someone who won’t take “No” for an answer is trying to manipulate you. “No”, by the way, is a complete sentence that requires no further explanation.
2. Normal, sane people do not resort to violence until or unless it seems like the only rational course of action. Not all people are sane, however. And even sane people can be driven to violence by outrageous circumstance.
3. The only effective way to cut off contact with someone is to completely, utterly, without exception not respond to any of their attempts to contact you.
4. A restraining order — the traditional tool of The State to tell someone to leave you alone — often serves to enrage the recipient. Remember, if this person were normal, he or she would already know you don’t want anything to do with them.
5. If you find yourself in bad relationship after bad relationship, it is time to stop having relationships until you figure out what you are doing to inadvertently attract nutcases.
6. It is easier not to get involved with someone — on a personal level or a professional level — than it is to get rid of them. Screen potential employees, potential renters, potential business partners first.
This is no substitute for reading the book. Your take-away points may be very different from mine. I think it ought to be required reading for every school administrator and office manager. Frankly I’d like to see more high school and college kids reading it.
In closing: Bush threatens to veto any war funding bill that actually requires him to start finishing up, accusing Democrats of playing a “political dance” (yeah, it’s called doing what the voters sent them to do, look it up sometime); I suppose everyone has heard about McCain going to market with a hundred bodyguards and a few attack helicopters; great short film series at Hometown Baghdad; some scattered reports that we might have another war by the weekend; follow up on David Hicks, “If Hicks was such a menace, critics argue, why did he get just nine months?”; Condi won’t return Waxman’s phonecalls, but will she show up for hearings?; the Motley Fool brings us the end of retirement; turns out meat inspections have been a little lax since the Nixon administration (feel safer now?); and yet again the rich keep getting richer while the poor keep getting poorer.
Gavin deBecker is a wonderful writer. He also has a book called “Protecting the Gift” about how to protect your children from violence. Every woman should read it.
The Hometown Baghdad series is very illuminating; and alarming. This is another example of American meddling in the affairs of other nations espousing the best of intentions and leaving behind the cruelest of wreckage.
So, do the Ameerican people have the will, the strength of character, and the sense of commitment, to assume responsibility for fixing the chaos resuting from our ELECTED leaders'(criminal?) actions?
I feel we do have that responsibility. And it will only be when we, individually, feel those losses and sacrifices that we shall find it within ourselves to actually do something about the improprieties and high crimes being commited by those in power. And realize the very dear cost of assuming control over the lives of others. It is very easy to say it was George and Cheney-stein without embracing the culpability of the elecORS.
(I cautioned my son about enlisting, citing these very same concerns; one has little control those policies which you have signed up to defend and enforce.)
America has the chance RIGHT NOW to regain credibility, respect and power and regain our sense of humanity and morality, but only if we assume and succeed in surmounting this mountain of a mess WE have created.