A Veritable Toika of Security Theatre straight from the warped minds of the TSA.
Security Theatre Act XV: Return of the Registered Traveller System
The nice folks over at Wired have nicely summarized it: “Fake Security.” For $100 you submit your fingerprints (Do they submit it to the FBI database? Compare against unsolved crimes? Who knows!); they do a background check; and you are issued a bit of plastic that gives you access to a special short line. When you get the the airport you present your card, get your fingerprints scanned against the bit of plastic, and — assuming you aren’t in the 2% failure rate for fingerprint scanning — get into a short line where you still have to take off your shoes and present your plastic baggie of personal hygiene products. But people who have been “selected” for additional screening should still allow extra time and KY Jelly for screening.
The people who have planned this have the gall to say this will speed up checkin for everyone. This is mathematically impossible. If you have one “short line”, sure things will be faster for those in the short line. Nevertheless, the people manning the short line have to make sure Joe Average belongs there. And the people running the “short line” could have been helping make sure everybody gets through faster.
I am disturbed by the number of people who think this is a good idea. It is not a “get out of the security line free” card, it won’t help you get out of baggage inspection, it won’t do a thing for the David Nelsons of the world. It only changes the line you stand in waiting for your shoes to be returned to you. It is a sham, and a waste of $100.
Security Theatre Act XVI: Tall people are all terrorists
Way back when, credit scores were secret information. Now you have a right to know what the big credit agencies say about you, and you even have a right to correct information in the report. Not so with the terror risk assessments authorized by the Department of Homeland Security. In fact, they’ve been doing this for 4 years now, and only now are details coming to light. Oh, and they plan to keep this information for 40 years. Because goodness knows nothing changes over that period of time. Apparently, some of the “important” details include seat and meal preferences. Ok, sure, someone with an aisle seat might be planning to make trouble; but maybe they are just tall and like the slightly extra room of an aisle seat. I suppose heaven help you if you request a special meal.
Security Theatre Act XVII, Huhuhuhuhmmhuhuhuh.
It’s baaaack! Coming to airports this month are x-rays that can see through your clothes. The ACLU calls this a “virtual strip search.” If you believe these machines are not going to be abused by some minority of screeners looking for a cheap thrill, I have some lovely swampland to sell you. How long until there is an entire porn category of such images? Before Christmas, if I had to guess.
Why are we so afraid of something unlikely — nutcases doing Bad Things to an airplane — that we are willing to give up basic privacy for it? I mean think about it. A terrorist could do a whole lot more damage in a mall, movie theatre, or even a high school football game. Airplanes are passe.
In closing: the press war against working moms; Judge says “Bush doesn’t like ’em” is not a definition of “terror group”; a classical music database; a special item for World AIDS Day, Bill Clinton working to see that kids around the world have access to affordable medication; the MPAA has effectively killed a bill in California that would have made it illegal to pretend to be you and get your phone records because it might prevent them from cracking down on people who think a whole record album isn’t worth $17.98 when it only has 2 good tracks; one in 32 Americans was in jail or on parole at the end of 2005, it’s just something to remember next time you look through your high school yearbook; we’re supposed to “support our troops” but we aren’t allowed to remember the ones who have died?; and finally new Congressman in hot water for swearing on Holy Text he actually believes in! I love the comment about swearing on the Bible because it is “the Bible of this country.” Someone smack him upside the head with the First Amendment for me.