On Retail

This summer, I have been trying to buy a new swimsuit. The word “trying” should probably alert you to the fact that I have — so far, anyway — failed.

I’ve been working out, toning up, actually have regular access to a pool. Since I have not purchased a new swimsuit in about 5 years, I thought this was not only the time, but that I should really try and get a bikini. I have not found anything acceptable, and frankly have only found about 2 things worth even taking back to the fitting room. I don’t know who is designing these darn things, but they need a serious talking-to.

Pet peeve one is that bottoms are almost universally adorned with buckles, bows, or ruffles. Just what every woman wants, is to make her butt look bigger! Sure, go ahead, put those bows right out there on my hips, add a couple inches to them. Oh, and look, the bow makes the fit adjustable — or gives a perfect opportunity for Bad Boys to harass you at the public pool. It’s two, two, two inconveniences for the price of one! Look, even if you are trying to attract Sir Mix-a-lot, he’s a smart guy and isn’t going to be fooled by a bit of fabric.

Peeve two is metal decorations. Sometimes these are on the aforementioned hip-enlarging brigade. Sometimes it is holding the top together. Sometimes it even includes little dangly bits that are supposed to be attractive somehow. You know what they are to me? Something that will get blazing hot in the sun. Oh yeah, perfect thing to put on a swimsuit! Maybe the designers didn’t notice, but most people go to the pool on hot, sunny days.

What the heck were they thinking? At least the guys who decided to put school supplies on sale for super-low prices in July (before anybody even gets their school supply lists) have a sort of mad genius going for them; the people who buy early will be back for the things they didn’t know they needed.

In closing, CBS televising video games (bye bye EGLN, so long EREV); why you should digitize your old photos; Hillary proves she cares more about corporate interests than American interests; didn’t I tell you people were filing for disability when finding a “decent” job was too hard?; thanks to Jill for pointing out someone else who understands that universal health and mandatory health insurance are different things; caffeine + exercise = lower risk of skin cancer (but that’s not an excuse to skip sunscreen!); and finally, why have there only been 2 Medals of Honor awarded in Iraq — both posthumous?