Tag: funny pictures

Huh.

I’m going to start by saying the only thing I intend to say about politics today: if are an American adult and you didn’t vote in Tuesday’s elections, I have no desire to hear any of your opinions about politics, the law, or the economy. You had your opportunity to make your voice known,  even if it was to vote for “none of the above.” Got that? Now get lost.

Now that that’s out of the way!

This week I’ve been collecting stories that just make you say “huh.” Like the newly found San Diego to Tijuana drug tunnel, complete with lights, ventilation, and a rail system! You know, if pot were legal and regulated, not only would this stuff have come into the country in a relatively safe truck, it would have generated taxes and tariffs. As a bonus it would be easier to keep it out of the hands of kids because the nice lady at 7-11 is actually going to check IDs. It would also cut the head off Mexican drug violence. (Funny, you heard a lot less about American gangsters after prohibition was repealed).

Elsewhere, CNN took it upon themselves to point out that cat costumes, Starfleet T-Shirts, teeny tiny miniskirts, blankets, evening gowns, and swimsuits are not appropriate attire for a job interview. Oh Really??

Another good one was USA Today informing us that kids who use “electronic media at night” sent an average of 34 texts or emails, and were often woken at night by calls or texts. Not surprisingly, they “may have mood or learning problems during the day….” Do you think??

But by far my favorite is the FBI manhunt for a couple involved in a Ponzi scheme. They allegedly defrauded a dozen investors of $3,000,000. Now here’s the strange part: the man met several of their victims while in prison. Now, would you take investment advice from a guy who was in prison? Apparently some people would.

In Closing: immaculate conception of snakes; the Great Wall of Croatia; T-Shirts for travelers; disaster coloring books; on unemployment and interest rates; shades of grey; JP nails it; amazing cure-all proven in study after study; Happy NaBloPoMo; the damage doesn’t look as bad from out here; and Samurai Reformer.

In the Shorties of Madness

What’s Your Angle: In what I fervently hope will be the last thing I have to say about Sharron Angle ever, Angle announces that she won’t be answering any questions asked by the pesky [local] media until she is a Senator, darn it. And Channel 8? You are so not invited to her Election Night Party, so there! Listen sweetie, if you don’t want people asking you questions in public, don’t be a public figure.

Let common sense prevail: Did you know that something in your body is very likely subject to a United States Patent? Good thing that big corporations haven’t figured out a way to charge you for that. Anyway, it looks like the United States may revisit the idea that my genes and your genes can be somebody else’s intellectual property.

I keep saying this: sugary drinks are not good for you.

Fail: When trying to steal copper from a vacant home, make sure the power is in fact off first. Oh, and leave the kids at home rather than sitting in the car waiting for you.

They’re mad as hell: and worse yet, they think they have some right to hurt or even kill you if you dare to disagree with them and their vision of a Utopian past-future. I’m beginning to wonder if my “liberal” respect for life — endorsed by the 10 Commandments and Jesus himself! — might need some retooling in the face of reality.

It’s the fraud, stupid: That’s the short version. It’s starting to look like the various state Attorneys General don’t like the BAMTOR Principle and may even hold banks accountable for their criminal actions, even if the SEC merely thinks the law is some sort of a suggestion.

I realize you may never need to know this: Table Etiquette for Formal Dinners in Japan.

This could turn out badly: So most people aren’t willing to relocate for a job anymore. More to the point, they can’t relocate for a job because they can’t sell their house for anything close to what they paid for it (advantage to renters?). At what point will job seekers decide to take the job and walk away from the house they can’t afford without work?

Looking forward to it: a long overdue re-work of Power90, a follow-on to Insanity, and more details on P90X MC2.

Ezra is correct again: Since most people retire because they have to rather than because they want to, raising the retirement age is a really dumb idea.

Urine Drug Tests Must Stop: a woman had her newborn taken away because she foolishly ate a bagel with poppy seeds on it. Why do we tolerate businesses, schools, and government entities making decisions about our lives based on such an inaccurate test?

Bloody Romans: “I don’t get nothin from the government!” Except of course for my mortgage interest deduction, student loans, unemployment insurance, Social Security, VA benefits, Medicare, G.I. Bill benefits….

Clearly deregulation is the answer: after all airlines would surely keep planes in good repair all by themselves if there were no pesky regulations requiring it.

Nothing left for me to say: Comrade E.B. Misfit said it all.

A reason to encourage absentee voting: nobody to harass you at the polls for being too brown.

Hope you are having fun: at the Colbert–Stewart rally.

Blast from the past: old computer equipment ads.

And last but not least: at least they are honest about it!

So remember to vote this Tuesday if you haven’t already. And remember my handy tip for voter initiatives, just say no.

Facepalm

Or: Ha ha! Women Like Cupcakes!

The Christian Science Monitor is not the only news source that went with the headline “Obama targets women voters in Seattle trip with talk of jobs, cupcakes.” The title goes back to this paragraph:

The White House gathered a group of female business owners for the Seattle meeting to try and help Obama argue that his policies have benefited women. They included the owner of a metal products manufacturing firm, and the owner of a specialty cupcake bakery.

Goodness knows we couldn’t have gone on to say something about the non-stereotypical woman running a metal shop! Nope, we had to talk about cupcakes. Apparently Secret Service guys like them too. If I liked reinforcing stereotypes, I’d point out the similarity between cupcakes and donuts. After all, aren’t Secret Service guys a lot like cops? And cops love donuts, amiright?? Ha ha!

What a shame that small talk about pastries derailed the actual important point of the article:

[A new report available from the White House Domestic Council] notes that women are now over 50 percent of US college graduates, and close to a majority of the US work force. At his Seattle town hall, Obama made the argument that as women go, so goes the nation, jobwise.

“How well women do … will help determine how well our families are doing as a whole,” said Obama.

What a shame that this message — and the larger message that many of us need decent jobs in workplaces that do not hamper our ability to be part of our families — had to be buried under a pile of designer cupcakes.

In Closing: On the Yalie frat boyz (am I correct that we would already be talking about their expulsion if they were chanting “Lynch Them!” instead of high-spirited talk of rape? Please say I am);  right, putting parents in jail will really make them better parents; try stomping your foot when you want a large corporation to do things your way; I NEVER NOTICED; I didn’t even notice The Great Nevada Shake Out; roar; water on the moon (everything you learned in grade school is suspect); “legal” pot in California might save more on law enforcement than it generates in revenues (like that’s a bad thing); yes, insurers will have to spend at least 80% of premiums on health care instead of profits; 2017??; our local paper may have to actually deal with the concept of “Fair Use“; the accidental girls school; an excellent question; noooooooo!; end of the CD?; wanna buy a live crab?; and a comic:
Matt Bors

Shorties in the Sky

Impressive: America needs roughly $2,200,000,000,000 in repairs to things like roads, tunnels, bridges and the like. You don’t suppose doing something like that might result in some kind of fiscal stimulus?

Stick to feeding the poor and preaching peace: young people increasingly turned off by the hateful political crap spewed by many churches.

Do Not Grope the Pilot: He would also like you to not take naked pictures of him, and moreover he would like you to assume he is not a terrorist.

Is it time to resign yet?: Senator John Ensign (the guy who isn’t Harry Reid) raised a whopping $18,000 last quarter. Unfortunately he had to shell out over a half million dollars in legal fees.

Color By Numbers: There are more black men in prison today than were enslaved in 1850. You don’t really believe that’s because the overwhelming majority of crimes are committed by black people, do you? You don’t suppose that there could be just a wee tiny bit of racism going on?

I Dare you?: D.A.R.E., encouraging children to put their parents in prison and themselves in foster care, all for the unworthy goal of the long since lost “War On Drugs.” Heck, we couldn’t even win the “War On Drugs” by re-destroying the #1 opium producing nation in the world!

Go Ahead, Make the Case for Medicare For All: Some insurance companies are threatening to stop writing policies if they are forced to follow the law in 2011 instead of a largely theoretical future date of their choosing. Yeah, you just go on and do that, suckers. In the meantime, the Feds are taking on Michigan Blue Cross for stifling competition in a way that raises prices. Nice to see them the Feds actually giving a darn about normal people over corporations for a change.

Obligatory Items on the Economy: Reich’s Perfect Storm; donations down 11% at the top 400 American charities; the problem with the economy so that absolutely anybody can understand it.

No Woman Should Have to Put Up with This Crap: “Some students and the Yale Women’s Center board complained after pledges were videotaped last week, chanting about necrophilia and a specific sexual act.” Pledge activities have been suspended, but as far as I am concerned, some wealthy young [insert offensive plural noun] needs to get suspended or expelled. Let them explain to their daddies and mommies what they did on videotape and why. “Boys will be boys” my ass!

Password protection for your internet connection is a good idea: “Deputies arrested Candice Miller only after they raided the wrong house. Investigators busted into the neighbors’ house suspecting they were sending child porn. Turns out Miller’s neighbors didn’t secure their wireless Internet connection.”

The Difference Between Theft and Piracy: boils down to what you’ve got afterward.

If Only: Myth Busted! Can we move on to where you were born?

Smart people drink more: Alcohol consumption correlates with intelligence.

I guess I know what I’m wearing tomorrow: purple. Relevant.

It’s less annoying than air travel: record number of riders on Amtrak.

No I don’t really need this: but a pizza cutter shaped like the Enterprise is still pretty cool.

I promise it’s the only thing I’ll say about it here: (But expect a post over at BridgetMagnus.com about foreclosures later) Ladies and gentlemen I present the dumbest thing anybody has said about a moratorium on foreclosures! “For instance, in Cleveland, where there are over 18,000 vacant homes, lives Millie Davis who recently earned her Master’s Degree in Urban Planning from Cleveland State University and just bought her first home – one that had fallen into foreclosure and sat abandoned for years. Had a blanket moratorium been in place, that sale would have fallen through — not only deferring her dream of homeownership but leaving neighbors on the block to stand by and watch as their property values continue to plummet.” Now then first of all her Master’s degree couldn’t possibly have less to do with the situation. I’ve got one of those myself and a fat lot of good it’s done me. Second, I don’t think anybody is talking about going back and examining the paperwork on homes that “sat abandoned for years.” That is all water under the bridge. The priority right now is to make sure that the banks or other entities that are foreclosing on homes a) have the legal right to do so and b) follow all the applicable laws when they do it (and they probably don’t). Failing to find this out now could result in millions of homes that can’t be sold at all because nobody can prove who really owns them. Oh, and c) “vacant” and “foreclosed” are two different things, which is something I would have expected the Secretary of HOUSING and Urban Development to know.

And one last thing: great descriptions of things on TV.

Following Up

Earlier this week, I said the FDIC was preparing for a too-big-to-fail institution to fail, and I speculated that Bank of America was the most likely candidate. Looks like bond investors figured the same thing.

Just yesterday I was on about an article suggesting that instead of blaming the banks for committing fraud, we instead blame the victim for not paying his mortgage. I wasn’t the only person who took offense at that ill-considered piece of garbage.

It’s been a while since we’ve heard much stink about property rights cases like Kelo vs. New London, where property was taken simply because somebody thought there was a market for something nicer. It turns out there are “environmental costs” to those developments, many of which are no longer viable since the real estate bubble burst.

And here’s one from way way back there. Somebody needed a study to show that small businesses create jobs? Next thing you know we’ll be studying whether or not things fall when you drop them.

In closing: Fox and Cablevision play chicken; etiquette schools; “honey, which can did you use?”; and “You’re much stronger than you think you are,” said Superman.

Make Me Mad

This morning I read a little item called “It’s time to stop blaming the lenders.” The essence can be told in less than one paragraph:

It’s okay that people made the mistake of borrowing more than they could afford. But is it really the lenders’ fault? Really? Maybe the banks didn’t deserve to be bailed out for their own poor judgment, but do the rest of us really deserve to bailed out for our own?

So let me make sure I’ve got this right. It’s our fault?

It’s Harry Homeowner’s fault that when he went to talk to Mary Mortgage-Broker, he actually believed her when she told him he could afford up to a $300,000 mortgage? It’s his fault that she lied to him, or pressured him into a pick-a-payment or adjustable rate mortgage he didn’t completely understand?

It’s Nicolle Bradbury‘s fault that she lost her job and — like so many other people — hasn’t been able to find another job that would allow her to continue making a modest $474 monthly payment?

It’s Joe Average’s fault that “everybody ought to own a house” propaganda combined with shoddy underwriting to create a housing bubble, even when the people who should have known it was a bubble said everything was fine?

It’s my fault that mortgage company executives were making insider trades?

It’s Darrell‘s fault that the mortgage company lost his paperwork not once, but five times?

It’s your fault that banks sold one another worthless securities based on your neighbors’ mortgages, and now sometimes can’t even figure out who owns what?

It’s our fault that banks hired scores of people with dubious qualifications to sign legal documents equivalent to swearing in a court of law, attesting that they knew things they couldn’t possibly know about our mortgages?

Is it also Nancy Jacobini‘s fault that her home didn’t look “lived in” enough for the goons hired by her mortgage company to change the locks? Is it her fault that he couldn’t be bothered to look in a window or knock on the door?

It’s Patrick Jeffs‘s fault that a mortgage company tried to take his home when he didn’t even have a mortgage with them?

This is nothing more than a pathetic attempt at victim blaming. It’s right up there with “she wore a short skirt so she deserved to be raped” and “he was walking at night; he should have known better.” The author should be ashamed of himself, but he honestly believes that it’s as simple as “no pay, no stay.”

In Closing: they want to build a steam powered computer; obesity is a threat to national security; venture capitalists are spending less money on new companies, which bodes ill for future job creation; average teen sends 3,339 text messages per month; girls can so do math; bad boys, bad boys, whacha gonna do?; health insurance reform isn’t over yet; overworked; and let me make sure I understand, the kids throw a wild party that got out of hand, and so you arrest the parents, leaving the kids to throw another party? Egads.

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Taken at Clark High School in Las Vegas.

In Closing: Foreclosure mess (update, Bank of America has halted all foreclosures nationwide); new 300 year old Vivaldi concerto; progressive agenda; we have to be better; I hope the FDIC bankrupts these [redacted]; always check your work; on Afghanistan; 30% of unemployed have been out of work for at least a year, and the number of jobs in the economy went down last month (no wonder bankruptcies are up); good idea; speaking of food stamps; “none of the above“; new style CPR; sometimes it’s how you say it; and cell phones don’t and can’t cause cancer (“physics shows that it is virtually impossible for cell phones to cause cancer”).

Oh and one more thing! Surf over to Vegas Video Network to see my new show later today!

Dear Teacher: Get Real

Mr/Ms Teacher:

As you are no doubt aware, each of your students has 5 other classes. Each of these classes has their own supply requirements, although some things like “pencils” and “notebook paper” are universal. There is only a 5 minute or so passing period between your class and the previous or next class. While it seems like many schools are set up with an area dedicated to students at one particular grade, the fact remains that some of your students will have classes in another part of the building (such as gym, choir, art, or foreign language) and not have an opportunity to visit their respective lockers during some passing periods. Furthermore, it is highly likely that a student might have homework in multiple subjects, requiring that quite a few things be taken home.

These are things that I would have thought obvious to a professional in your position. However, it seems clear that some teachers have not considered the idea that students might have no choice but to carry supplies for multiple subjects at once. I can think of no other explanation for the extraordinary supply lists that have come home for the last several years, including fact that several of your colleagues each require a minimum 1″ binder, and a couple have required 2-3″ three ring binders.

Really? They need that much stuff for one class? Do you really think it’s important for them to carry around every scrap of paper issued in your class from now until June? Is every assignment, every graded quiz, every set of scribbled class notes of such critical importance? Can’t we use this opportunity to teach prioritization? Frankly, I didn’t need multiple 3″ binders per semester in graduate school!

Further, there is the issue of space and weight. These are still kids we are talking about. There is a finite amount of physical room in their book bags, and heaven forbid they should need to cram a book in there. Experts recommend that they put no more than 10-15% of their bodyweight in a backpack — including the weight of the bag itself. Let’s say for the sake of argument that these kids weigh the same 120 pounds I do. That means no more than 12-18 pounds. Have you considered putting your required supplies on a scale to see how much you are contributing to the load? The 500 sheets of paper that will fit in just one of those 3″ binders is 5 pounds alone.

Please understand that I don’t even want to address the expense of all these supplies despite the fact that 1 in 5 American workers is living paycheck to paycheck. I consider myself fortunate that I can just go out and get all this stuff without worrying about whether I can pay all my bills.

Just do parents a favor and think about the whole picture rather than your one class when preparing your list of required supplies.

In Closing: On illegal immigration: on the broken mess we euphemistically call an economy; the chicken sexers of Japan; why doesn’t Bernanke know??; insurance companies scramble to raise prices before somebody tries to institute price controls, results in people talking about price controls who weren’t before; I told you the mandate was a screw-job; shut up and do what you’re told, authority figures are the enemy, and other things we are inadvertently teaching children; energy; click for the first paragraph, stay for the rest; the first dinner party; the miracle farms of Brazil; and fast food.

Inflation

That’s one expensive yearbook!

In closing: “Maybe we can get Yaphet Kotto to play Captain Picard”; inside Trader Joe’s; a criminally misleading article about what doctors make; investors are nervous; Japanfilter double feature, Space Cruiser Yamato and the truth about Kobe beef; banks still only follow laws that they want to follow; 5 fastest growing occupations (the top two paying jobs reflect a premium for people willing to work the overnight shift); orders for durable goods — things that last longer than a latte — are up a whopping 0.3%; Turn Off Fox; when you start calling the citizenry “a cow with 310 tits [sic]”, you shouldn’t hold down a government position; Direct Instruction is a little more complicated than “nuns in a classroom,” but his point is taken that it in fact works; the smartest thing on unemployment that you’re likely to read this week; “cut government spending… someplace else!”; the next Dalai Lama could be an attractive woman?; you’ve got the time, get out and vote; Righthaven is perfectly willing to go after bloggers, but not a Senate candidate; on American Apparel; mysterious heiress (Clark County, Nevada is named for her father); and finally, The Doctor is In.