Oh, Oh, It’s Magic

On my most recent trip, I had a unique book to read while lounging by a beach of white sand and impossibly blue water. That book was The Magic Room by Jeffrey Zaslow. No, not a fantasy novel for young adults, but a book about women — oddly bereft of feminism. It’s a book about brides and a very special bridal shop in a small Michigan town. You’ll want to keep some tissues close by while you read it. You can get a little taste of it right here.

How did he end up in a bridal shop? When Mr. Zaslow set out to write “a nonfiction book about the love we all wish for our daughters,” he went looking for “a place with great emotion.” His wife suggested a bridal shop. And it’s not just any bridal shop, not one of those big chains or the boutique tucked in an obscure corner of a big department store. Becker’s Bridal has a long history: 4 generations of women in one remarkable family have worked here, in an old “small town” bank building, creating “magic.”

In addition to reading about the strong women of the Becker family and their business, we also follow a number of brides on their journey through the process. This does cause a bit of a muddle towards the last third of the book as the reader jumps from bride to bride, finishing out what happened between their trip to Becker’s and the wedding itself: is Courtney the one who decided not to kiss anyone until she got married? The kindergarten teacher who was in a car wreck? The widow who is getting remarried even though her kids are unhappy with the arrangement? The independent woman who is finally getting married for the first time in her 40s? Or is she the one with rheumatic heart disease? With many brides comes some confusion for anyone without a photographic memory.

As I consider the idea of my second wedding, I found the idea of a “bridal industry” somewhat creepy. No mistake, I understand and respect that there are people who make a living making sure I have a dress that makes me “princess for a day,” seeing to invitations, attiring my entire wedding party, putting together memorable services and receptions. I can’t imagine spending “between $19,907 and $33,178” as most American couples do. Even the cheapest sale dresses at Becker’s are more than I can justify spending on a gown I will — hopefully — only wear once.

Like the “funeral industry,” it doesn’t quite sound right to have an “industry” grow up around profoundly personal moments in somebody’s life. What’s next? Calling religious institutions part of the “faith industry”?

This being said, Mr. Zaslow comes up with some very interesting observations, presented in a rather dry, tangential, New York Times sort of way: brides used to be “smaller,” oh no not because of obesity, but because they “didn’t work out” and “didn’t lift weights” and “didn’t eat the way Americans eat today”; roughly 15% of mothers of the bride want dresses that are “too revealing and sexy,” and 35% have to be reminded that they aren’t the grandmother of the bride; sometimes the boss has to “be a bitch”; and oddly enough, “advances in box-making helped fuel the computer revolution.”

In this world of Brides Behaving Badly, it’s refreshing to see that getting married doesn’t have to be a three ring circus. On the other hand, there’s something odd about a man writing a tear-jerker book about the bridal industry, and saying it’s about “the love we all wish for our daughters.”

Want to discuss this book more? Go check out the conversation already flowing over at the Blogher Book Club.

Disclosure statement: I read this book for the Blogher Book Club. In return for my participation I was given a copy of the book (e-book in this case) and I will receive $20. Nevertheless, the opinions expressed here are my own.

Ok then, who wants a heaping helping of In Closing?: made up words; moron; Anonymous does good; if school was a job, students would get more break time by law; it’s never too early to eat right and move your body; cult; and security theatre.

I don’t think Rudolph would approve

 

Personally, I don’t know whether Sniper Rifle Santa is creepier than Football Hero Santa, but it’s got to be close.

In closing: So much for Republican hating on Romney; screw the TSA, everyone’s driving; on domestic oil; flat population growth; picky!; a fun game.

Shorties Night 3D

Ok, I’m all tabbed up so let’s get rolling!

Not sure what to think: Ron Paul wants to make sure kids aren’t subjected to mandatory mental health screenings. On one hand I don’t want to see kids needlessly medicated. On the other hand, I know people who really could have and should have been diagnosed with treatable mental health disorders as kids!

Side Effect: Women are suing cops for tricking them into long term relationships with their undercover alter-egos. Oops.

Never Thought I’d Link Glenn Greenwald: But he’s right about the detention provisions of the National Defense Authorization Act. It’s there in black and white, no matter how people spin it.

Cat Herding: How Occupy Portland outsmarted the cops (without necessarily planning it that way).

Good Grief: 10 things you didn’t know about “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

I hope they didn’t spend a lot of money on that research: “The more a person drinks the more likely they are to have unprotected sex, according to research.”

This looks good: Dark Chocolate Macadamia Bark with Sea Salt.

Remember this when your Christmas bills arrive: Minimum payments will eat you alive.

Let’s see if that’s more than talk: Most Americans think we need a third party.

Turns out the Military is a way out of a bad neighborhood in more ways than one: Military schools smack around local schools, particularly when it comes to poor and minority kids. Now if only there weren’t the occupational hazard of being shot at!

You’ve seen my musings: Now here’s Anderson Cooper on traveling.

Turning Japanese: 68% of Japanese cars sold in the U.S. were made here in America, in 29 plants that employ 50,000 people. For reference, “American” car manufacturer GM has roughly 68,000 employees in the United States.

About Time!: 6 Fannie/Freddie execs charged with fraud. They might actually go to prison. There’s another big mortgage fraud suit here in Nevada.

Dim Bulb: One idiot thinks those curly light bulbs are so bad, she says she’s giving incandescent bulbs as Christmas presents. Don’t let her kids anywhere near her car with a carton of eggs.

How does that work?: As condition of a plea bargain, a man had to agree to give up a home he didn’t own and never did own.

And Finally: A boy chokes on a meatball in the school cafeteria. The sad part is that rather than make sure all the staff know CPR, they will probably take meatballs off the school menu.

ShortWoman’s Musings on Travel

Last week, I was out of town. Having grand adventures. You know, the usual. I’m home, and things are back to normal, so let me tell you what I think about travel.

On Packing: Pick your battles when it comes to your quart zip-top bag of liquids. Would it kill you to use the shampoo you’ll find in the hotel? Don’t forget to pack sunscreen. Really.

If it’s big enough or heavy enough to need wheels, it is by definition not a carry-on.

Rolling pants and most other garments takes up less room and means fewer wrinkles.

Think carefully about how long you’ll be gone and what you’ll really need. After all, you’re going to have to carry it.

On Airports and Airlines: Do everyone a favor and have your ID and boarding pass ready to go when you get in the security line. Already be prepared to go through the probe-u-later. Be polite as long as feasible. And seriously, don’t even joke about terrorism or bombs.

No, U.S. Air, I am not paying for your overpriced food.

The Airbus A321 has the worst overhead storage I have ever seen. Somebody decided that it’s more important for a 6′ tall man to be able to stand than for anybody to have a carry-on bag. The more I travel, the more I like Boeing.

The only thing I like about Phoenix Sky Harbor is that it’s called “Sky Harbor.”

Cancun, on the other hand, has a very nice airport. Clean, well laid out, plenty of room near the gates, huge duty free shop, decent food. Oh yeah, and a Margaritaville.

On Mexico: I understood Montezuma’s Revenge before I even made it through customs. The sink in the airport bathroom was labeled “NON-POTABLE WATER. DO NOT DRINK.” In English, I might add. If a sink is not labeled “POTABLE,” don’t drink that water. It’s simple.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if you are willing to stick to areas frequented by English speaking tourists, you will need very little Spanish. This may hold up in other countries as well.

The Cancun Hotel District looks a lot like the Las Vegas Strip: lots of luxury resorts, lots of palm trees, high end malls, the occasional convenience store that looks like it’s been there for decades. However, the big difference is that Cancun has more pyramids.

Lots of shopping, yes. I think the only things I could have bought there that I can’t get here are Cuban cigars and Cuban rum (which is yummy stuff). And since I can’t bring either one home, not worth bothering.

Going out to Isla Mujeres was much more like visiting a foreign country. Be aware, the shopkeepers will see you getting off the boat.

Step out of your comfort zone and eat what the locals do. You’ll be glad you did.

Tip well around your resort and you will be remembered for it.

And one last thing: You never know who you will run into when you travel. Be aware of opportunities to meet people, or at least say hello to people you know.

In Closing: hilarious; small Mercedes coming soon; must read explanation of “not in the labor force”; Occupy Ports; a battle that was lost by 1978; and Jesus approves this message.

Ray is Out Of Time

My name is Ray.

God, it feels funny to say that. I mean, yes, Ray is my name. But nobody’s called me that in a long, long time now. They call me Raymond. Well, they try to call me Raymond but it comes out Reimon.

The Queen on the Mountain has asked me to transcribe my tale for the benefit of the Library and the Marble City on the Mountain. I will try to the best of my ability to relate my story as I remember it. Please bear with me as I am many years separated from some of the events.

I was — excuse me, someday I will be — born in a city called Los Angeles, in an place called California, which was in turn in a country called the United States of America. I suppose I was pretty smart as kids go. I did the normal things kids do: play games, learn to read and do math, take music lessons, make friends, fall hopelessly in love with girls who don’t notice you exist. My family was by no means wealthy, but they were well off enough that I had advantages many other children did not. In school I studied hard. Eventually I earned money called a “scholarship” and finished my education in San Francisco, a city further north in California. I loved it there: cool weather, people of many cultures, great food, an interesting history, no shortage of things to do. I studied something called physics.

Somehow or another I got involved in a fellow grad student’s project. He called it “Project Wells” after a famous author of a previous era, H.G. Wells. He wrote several science fiction books, including one called “The Time Machine.” The idea was to build a device that could take you to next week, or last month, or years in the past and future. In an ideal world, enough mobility could be added to the device to move in space as well as time all at once. My colleague insisted that would be a later project, one he called “Centurian” after a character in a somewhat popular fiction series involving such a device.

One of the difficulties I am having is expressing things as I remember them without necessarily explaining my entire culture and history. After all, strictly speaking my history hasn’t even happened yet. If I say too much, I might influence your future and my history. How am I to explain what happened without explaining television, English literature, Star Trek, Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, street gangs, internal combustion engines, rock music, Wikipedia, the internet, Chinatown, and dozens of other things that my people would take for granted?

After a few years of effort and countless cups of a drink called “coffee,” we finished the prototype. All our work was done on our spare time outside of classes and jobs, in a rented garage. The prototype itself was beautiful: roughly conical, with a nice wide base for stability, a solid door with a thick shatterproof window in case the traveler ended up someplace undesirable. Half the interior was taken up by the traveler’s command chair, and the other half was control panels. Theoretically, the traveler could control when he would arrive using the various dials and buttons.

Now then, maybe you noticed that I said “theoretically.” Maybe you also noticed that I mentioned that I was born in your future. In my culture’s literature, we call this “foreshadowing.”

If memory serves, my friend talked me into going on the maiden voyage of the device. He said he’d be remembered for inventing the thing, so it was only fair I be remembered for piloting it. He also pointed out that I was in much better physical shape than he — I was very athletic for a “nerd” — and would be better able to get out of trouble in strange times. This seemed logical at the time. However, as I look back, I have moments where I wonder if he was just using me to save his own skin if something went wrong.

So I climbed in, turned it on, smiled, and started turning the dial to visit an hour from then.

Nothing.

I frowned and tried to adjust the dial.

That’s when everything went wrong.

I heard a spark, then saw a little smoke. Suddenly the world outside the device became unnaturally colorful, blurry, and my stomach lurched within me. I was plunged into darkness, illuminated only by electricity dancing across the control panel. Then a bright light. Darkness and light alternated several times before things returned to normal.

I looked out the window and saw another age. The garage we’d worked in wasn’t there anymore. Or rather, it wasn’t there yet. People in old-fashioned get-ups roamed the sidewalks, and horses dragged wheeled vehicles around the hilly streets. I gawked for several minutes before the earth began to shake. That’s when I realized when and where I was.